Saturday: cardio kickboxing with that nutty teacher again, and then the Candler Park fall festival, the one I remember going to ages ago. Now I know why I have memories of driving on Freedom Parkway six or so years ago, and now I know why the hill looks so familiar. Ages ago, on Halloween, we sat in nearly the same spot drinking Sweetwater (back when I was still years away from the legal drinking age) and listening to bands play.  My boyfriend then purchased me a necklace, and it was then that I formed my first impression of Atlanta, that it was a beautiful and temperate place, a green and peaceful city, and I never suspected that I would someday live there.

Sunday night: crab fritters with apples and a champagne sauce, and then wood-roasted duck with rutabaga and wilted greens. There is white chocolate mousse cake with bing cherries and somewhere in there a bread basket with some kind of dip made from edamame and garlic and olive oil, and an espresso martini.

This weekend was a good one, although I got less working out and reading than I wanted to get done.  Next weekend looks to be just as promising, and although I won’t have my new camera, I’ll be spending time with good friends, and that’s more important.  I love making new memories, after all.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

Last night was one of those rare nights that I actually felt all right for a change, socially and physically. Mostly these days I feel tired after work, stressed, and worn down from worrying about finances, the economy, my job. I can still have fun, but lately my “fun” has been watching movies, playing games, and reading.

On Friday the boss came into my office. Solemnly, her face drawn and her arms crossed over her chest, she said, “I have decided…”

She paused for a few seconds. I thought the news would be something terrible, but she then said, “we will not work on Monday.”

I had known it was Columbus day on Monday, but had looked in our company rule book to see if we had to work that day. But it didn’t say we didn’t work, so I had planned on coming in Monday.

“Really?” I asked, feigning surprise.

My boss continued, saying that while we had some free time we should take it. I wasn’t going to argue.

And so I started the weekend feeling pretty good. Went home. Saw Appaloosa, with Ed Harris and Viggo. Good stuff. I enjoyed it.

But Saturday morning I woke up feeling awful, and ill. Stomach discomfort (was it the Lean Cuisine that did it?). I almost didn’t make it to the gym, after about an hour of writhing in my bed in pain. But I went (because I’m a trooper) and made it. Talked to a few people. Things were fine. Although, I must admit that the workout wasn’t particularly challenging, mostly because I took it easy. Ab exercises and lunges when your digestive tract is up in arms… not a good idea.

Most of the afternoon I sleep and rest because my system decides to act up again. I feel all right when we go couch shopping initially, but by the time we get to Perimeter mall I feel like sleeping again. As a side note, I believe I have decided on the couch I want, and have decided on a payment plan for it. (Hooray being an adult!).

Anyway, I’d made plans last night with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. We stood around in her kitchen, had margaritas from her brand new margarita machine, and chatted. Caught up. They wanted to go out since it was Elizabeth’s birthday… and so we went. Initially I was going to go back home and watch a movie, but I decided not to. Instead, we called up the roommates, picked them up, and went to Shout in midtown.

It was a little chilly last night, but while driving downtown it was fine in the car. I hadn’t thought to bring a jacket, since I’m still in the mindset that because it’s 80 degrees during the day in the sun, the nights must not be colder now. No matter that it’s October. It’s Atlanta! Anyway, it was colder since the clouds had rolled in around mid-day, and a few sprinkles here and there fell on the balcony that we stood on in the middle of the city.

For a while, after meeting up with everyone, we huddled underneath one of the heating vents. One of the girls schmoozed drinks for two of us out of an unsuspecting guy near the bar, and a little while later we walked inside to dance. There were only a few people dancing inside–two women who swayed near the DJ’s booth, and a group of older women who danced despite the random people who sat on the outskirts… watching. Odd. So we had enough alcohol flowing that we formed our own little circle and danced. And as we danced, more people started to dance, and it was fun. We didn’t care anymore. It is easier dancing for me when others are into it. So I am glad I got everyone to come out.

There was a large group of people in town for a job fair, apparently, and most of them swarmed in around us. Especially since we’d accepted drinks from them earlier, I suppose that meant we were interested the rest of the night as well. Mostly, we just danced, regardless of the people around us.

Some drama happened with our group, but we just danced. And looked out at the night. The sky was hazy with the light pollution from the city’s buildings. The wind whipped our hair and dresses around. The DJ seemed to realize that the better music he played, the more people danced and had a good time.

We got back late. The guys sang and hollered all the way back home, and by the time we all fell asleep, it was a good ways into the morning.

This week has disappeared too fast, and I’m actually not looking forward to the weekend at all. I had just gotten used to savoring the quiet in the house when my roommate got back last night. Cue yelling, guitar-playing, and now having guests over. The whole weekend. Hooray. I knew all of this would happen when I signed my name on the lease, but I don’t know. Lately I’ve been worn out and just want to retreat into myself at the end of a long day.

Keeping busy helps the time go by, and keeps me from buying things that I’ve started to want. Like a new camera, like an iPod of some kind (not sure which), like the couch we went and saw last weekend. Like the DVDs I keep meaning to burn buy, the clothes I will probably need since I’ve worn out or grown too fat for out of for winter, blah blah blah. I hate wanting so much when I don’t necessarily have the means for it. So I suppose keeping so busy I can’t do anything but grasp at the wisps of free time  late at night then fall quickly asleep… helps. I guess.

I also want to cut my hair. It is not long enough yet. It’s annoying the shit out of me though, and I’ve long since stopped caring how it looks (crappy, most of the time, since it is washed constantly due to perspiring at the gym, waking up late, etc) and what I do with it.

Another weekend dump!

• Long game with two friends. It feels good playing games again, especially after a long and trying week. I’m tired, worn out, and generally run down. Not very happy about things, but in general glad for the work week to be over. So us killing one another in an impromptu game (after our fourth member has to leave) feels pretty good.

• I’m pulled out of the game by cousin, who yells, “Fire!” up the stairs. He has brought some friends over and I say hello. Pilot friends, who bring lots of alcohol. Or maybe he bought the alcohol (which… I would generally disapprove of because of the fact that his company withdrew most of his paycheck at the last minute. Illegally, but in the end, it means he has no money and should not be spending frivolously, on probably $50 worth of booze). We sit in the living room and watch Sunshine until late. After I go to bed, they continue watching other movies until the wee hours of the morning.

• On Saturday I go to the gym and scoff at the teacher. She has no rhythm and regularly mis-counts sets so that they are uneven and choppy. Even though I think I can do better, I end up having fun. I suppose that’s what matters.

• This may not seem like a big deal, but I got some new gym clothes Saturday. For some reason I have tons of other random, stupid clothes that I’ve acquired over the last few years (and before then), but very few clothes I can work out in. This results in me wearing very similar outfits to the gym every week. The people at the gym, if they notice me at all, must think I am very dirty, or do laundry obsessively.

• Cousin sits with me in my room while I play Bioshock in the afternoon. Well, really he bosses me around and gets upset when I go too slowly in the game. Whatever. It’s scary.

• Saturday night is pizza, Bioshock, movies, and reading.

• Sunday is the gym, Bioshock (sense a pattern yet?), a couple movies, and then furniture shopping. Cousin and I get Qdoba (which I do not like and which makes me feel ill), and I end up falling asleep around 8:30, after he leaves.

All in al, a decent weekend. Nothing major. Just quiet and pleasant.

Not that I’m overly superstitious, but Adrienne informed me that Mercury is in retrograde again, so watch out.  Last time it was in retrograde, my old crazy boss walked around waving her arms and asserting that no decisions would be made until it passed. Since we were already in trouble at that point (it was March, I think), it probably didn’t matter whether or not anyone made decisions anyway. I don’t remember if any electronics broke, but it wouldn’t surprise me either. So far–knock on wood–whenever Mercury has done its thing, I’ve had an okay time. Well, maybe the weeks are a little weird, fraught with strange experiences, but nothing catastrophic that I can’t fix.

Like last week, for example. Apparently the retrograde movement started on the 24th of September. Well, I did get that notice from Fulton County that they wanted to revoke my car registration since my insurance company had never filed the correct paperwork. But that was straightened out.

Maybe the retrograde caused, over the weekend, people to miss their flights so that I got on instead. Heh. And anyway, I had a good weekend and traveled well, got back safely, and what not. So again. There’s been nothing to complain about, really.

This week has been pretty good, too. Got to the gym both days I wanted to go, picked up those movies, and uploaded some pictures that I promised my friends. Last night I met up with a group of strangers and saw The Duchessat Tara Cinemas, a relatively hidden indy theater on Cheshire Bridge Road.

(Spoilers)
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Earlier today, I felt as though I had so much negative energy. I felt it pushing out from under my skin, a secret person struggling to escape, trying so hard that I felt myself shaking. My fingers shook as I put in my contacts, and as I laced up my shoes. I couldn’t keep from trembling.

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So here we are, and the end of the second week of NaNoWriMo has arrived. I’m right on track with 28,000 words and today I’ll hit the 30,000 word mark. After that things get easier.  And with Thanksgiving right around the corner, no doubt I’ll be able to finish early so that I can start on my other story again, the one I’m writing for my friends.

The last few days here in Atlanta have been uncommonly beautiful. The temperature’s back up, and the sun shines in the morning as I drive to work. The trees have finally changed color. It’s much later than I’ve ever seen, but living up north was different than living down here in the south. The colors in the last two days alone have brightened from their dull maroons to the bright ochres, marigolds, and carillions like I haven’t seen in a long time. I regret not spending more time outside; being cooped up in an office building for nine hours of my life every day is not my ideal way to spend time, but I’m getting used to it.

Other good things… Payday is tomorrow. Thanksgiving is next week. My cousin is coming home, and I’m going to see him for the holiday. It is a two-and-a-half day week. My friends visit in 42 days. I am reading Stephen King, and I am currently content with the moments that are moving through me.

I’ve been struggling with whether or not I should write. I don’t really have the energy right now to analyze for you here exactly while, although I know. This is another one of those personal battles. Do I give into my temptations to withdraw or do I tough it out and be raw, open?

Instead, I’ll write about some things that have happened recently.

The bad:
- sprained my ankle today falling off a curb. Boo. I should have listened to that little voice in my head that was whispering for me to take off my heels after work and walk to the mailbox in flip flops.
- hayfever finally caught up with me this past weekend. I’d thought it missed me, since I’m normally pretty bad off the second or third week in September, not October. But…fall comes a little later six hundred miles south of where I’m used to living.
- got more medical bills. That’s all I want to say about it; they make me too frustrated and upset to cope.

The good:
- beautiful weekend
- experienced “A Taste of Atlanta.” Hand-holding. Sampling food from excellent restaurants from Atlantic Station and around the city. 1-ticket smoothies (two of them!). A day tha tfelt as though it stretched out forever.
- a new Target opened in Atlantic Station!!
- finished reading my book, She’s Come Undone.
- pay day
- finished a chapter today, from “The High Life.”

There’s more, but I’m forgetting it at the moment.
Another thing that makes me happy is watching my three goldfish. From a fish hobbyist’s point of view… goldfish aren’t exactly the most exciting or difficult fish to have and care for. For all intents and purposes, they’re the pigeons of the pet-fish world. They’re dirty, not all that pretty, or smart, and they’re abundantly available. Easy to care for, but boring. All kids, I’m sure, at some point have had a goldfish for a pet. Or a hermit crab.

But although I’m starting to expand my horizons and look for different species of fish to have, I still go back to the goldfish. I have three now, all three Comets, but the one I’ve had longest is also the biggest. I don’t know whether it’s male or female, but I always defer to it as ‘he.’

I just have to say it makes me happy watching them swim around and interact with their environment. And there’s a strange warmth that makes me smile whenever I approach the tank, or sit at my computer. I can look over and see the big fish with his big, black eyes in the corner, looking. Maybe he’s looking for me. Maybe not. But I like to think so, even if he’s only really swishing back and forth excitedly because food might be coming. It’s nice to feel wanted once in a while.