Today I risked driving in the apocalyptic floods that have descended upon Atlanta, so that I could go to the doctor’s office for my annual physical.

I’m generally pretty healthy. I haven’t been sick, am not in pain, and am pretty sure my blood sugar and cholesterol levels are fine. Mostly, I go to the doctor so they can prescribe me nasal spray and pills that I can use year round to keep myself hopped up on allergy meds. This helps to keep me functional and happy instead of puffy-faced, sneezing, and absolutely miserable (I used to get sent home from school, my allergies affected me so badly).

I don’t mind going to the doctor’s office in general. It’s just something you have to do. I DO mind going to my general physician, because he is a very attractive man.

And that’s why today I walked out with a flu shot I didn’t really want and NO ALLERGY PRESCRIPTION.

See, for some reason, all logical thoughts flew out of my head when he walked in and asked after my health. Sure, we talked about the pitiful size of the Maryland blue crabs the past few years, the pros and cons of getting the flu shot, the upcomingi H1N1 shot, and what foods it’s okay to eat when flying overseas, but did we address my desire to have another scrip for Allegra or Flonase? No. Did he ask? ….possibly. Did I forget entirely to stress that I require allergy medicines? Yes.

And sure, even though the flu shot seems to be covered under my insurance, does that mean I needed it? No. Have I ever gotten one? No, and I’ve (knock on wood) been fine so far. Sure, I have my requisite bad cold once or twice a year, but I’ve never felt it necessary to get a flu shot.

Yet somehow as the doctor and I chatted, I forgot the reason why I visit the stupid office anyway, forgot that my allergies ever bother me, and started thinking that it was a great idea to get a free shot.

I only realized this after I’d left, holding my throbbing right arm. They’d taken blood from and given me the flu shot in the same one (of course it doesn’t help that when people ask, does it hurt? I think a second, windmill my arm around a few times, and then decide that it does).

Everyone’s telling me that I should just call them and say, oh yeah! Could I just get the doctor to sign over a scrip to the pharmacy so they’ll refill the allergy stuff?

And I say, sure! I could do that. Great idea.

And when they ask me why I was dumb enough to forget while I was there, I’ll say that I was too busy thinking about the lovely children that the doctor and I would have rather than keeping my mind on the task at hand.

I didn’t do one because I forgot to, but here’s what I’ve been reading and what I plan to read for the rest of the month (all 10 days of it):

• Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontë
• The Good, the Bad, and the Undead – Kim Harrison
• The Clan of the Cave Bear - Jean M. Auel
• The Princess Diaries – Meg Cabot
• Dracula – Bram Stoker
• Every Witch Way but Dead – Kim Harrison

There are many other books I have on my shelf that I’ve been neglecting, but this seems fine for now. I would have thrown A Feast for Crows by GRRM on there, but that seems a bit too ambitious, and I don’t have any plane trips scheduled for the weekend, and thus won’t have but a few hours each day to spend reading.

Next month, I’m really not sure what I want to tackle as part of the book contest from work. Maybe The Grapes of Wrath? I’m also thinking of reading something by Neil Gaiman, although I will have to figure out exactly which one is on the reading list, and then plan out what I’m going to do for the rest of the year. Since November is probably out (dedicated to Nano, obviously), that just leaves October and December.

Maybe we’ll extend the reading contest. I don’t know.

Then there’s always whatever we’re doing for book club. Dracula is appropriate though.

Well, guess I’d better get started.

I signed into my Nano page to take a look at things this morning, to see what’s changed, to see if there were any interesting articles to read that I hadn’t already perused last year. And no, nothing yet. Posting doesn’t really pick up until October, when the articles begin rolling in again. And November 1 is the first pep talk from Chris Baty, the founder of the very first National Novel Writing Month.

This marks my 8th year participating, and if I finish, will be my 7th year finishing. Which means I have seven drafts sitting on my computer waiting to be read or edited. This year, I feel a strange pressure on me to finish something good. Even though I know I advocate the same thing that Chris Baty advocates (don’t edit, don’t delete, just keep going, etc), lately I’ve been feeling like that strategy is no longer working for me anymore. The last three or four years, at least.

Is it that I’ve run out of good ideas? Possibly. Am I expecting too much out of myself? Also possibly, but I’d hate to think it is for this reason that I’ve stopped writing entirely. But I also know that all decent writers have one thing in common: they write. They write consistently and they write every day. They are disciplined in this habit, and it is for that reason that these kinds of writers succeed while sometimes-writers do not.

Then I think that I have set up a vicious loop for myself. At the end of November, I’m always spent. I tell myself that I’ll take a month break and then try to start writing small things again. That month inevitably ends up being eleven, especially as my own pace of life has accelerated. This is not discipline.

Discipline is writing every day, writing in my journal once a day, even if it is only a few lines. My discipline has faltered. I can say this about a lot of things in my life lately–my eating habits, gym habits, and now my writing habits.

I want to change this, though, and I’ve started to change my diet and exercise habits already.  The writing bit? I don’t know. Maybe with Nano this year, things will be different. Last night, an idea came to me, one that might hold enough possibilities to sustain me through this coming November. And, if executed right, could be a halfway-decent story.

After I had this thought, I realized that for the first time in four years, I actually have an idea for NaNoWriMo.

Today has been a pretty exciting day.

Right now I’m baking an apple spice cake. It’s the first time I’ve ever made anything with that many ingredients since I left home. This means that I’ve been slowly accruing baking ingredients and supplies over the last two years–flour, sugar and brown sugar, extract, spices, and the baking pans. I feel strangely domestic and content with myself for doing such simple things.

I also started creating my Halloween costume, which I will start posting pictures of as I put it together. It’s been a great day

I am not what most people would consider a very outgoing person, so it’s hard for me sometimes to make lots of plans over the course of a weekend. Needing lots of personal time means that at some point I have to sacrifice going out for staying at home alone. But this also usually means that later I feel guilty for turning someone down, or that I’ve missed out. I think about how these other people are out having fun while I’m at home reading or playing games or watching movies by myself.

This weekend I had relished having a little bit of time off, but quickly realized that I was not going to have many opportunities to keep to myself. I didn’t give into the urge to seclude myself this weekend, and this was one of the few times that I have not regretted an instant of that time.

Friday night, a friend and I scoured the grocery store for ingredients for a nacho night. We picked up ground turkey and cheese and tomatoes, avocados, an onion, and some treats for later. I bought a bottle of Sailor Jerry’s spiced rum, and we ate and drank our way through four episodes of True Blood.

Saturday after work, I ended up walking stiffly to California Pizza Kitchen to meet up with two people, one of whom I knew well, the other whom I didn’t. The evening ended up being all right, but at the end I was bitten by a spider and am suffering with a large, angry welt on the back of my leg as a result.

Sunday I had a headache all day, and there was nothing very special about the day until after I got off work. After driving around midtown aimlessly, I finally found where I was going, and pulled into the gated guest parking lot. Fancy, I thought, because I’ve never driven anywhere that had a gate. Luckily, my friend had given me a number to dial, and I assumed that you used it as well to enter the parking deck. Either that, or I coincidentally pulled up just as a car was pulling out, and managed to enter before it shut on me.

The friend who had invited me to the Book Club meeting came to get me; while waiting, I took the opportunity to snap a few pictures of the Atlanta skyline. We walked through a maze of passages until we came to a door with a markerboard on it.

Walking inside revealed a beautiful apartment, the living room window overlooking downtown, a white spiral staircase leading to a small loft bedroom. I wedged myself onto the couch between two of the girls there, and made excuses for being late. Took some pizza and a homemade brownie, gave my opinion of the book, and then settled in to listen to the rest of the group talk. They all knew each other from school, but seemed like a laidback bunch. The hosts had attended Dragon*Con this year, so I felt like I at least had a little in common with them.

We talked until about 10:30, when I decided it was time to go home, and the host said he was happy that my friend had invited me, “someone who contributes and actually reads.” This made me feel warm the rest of the way home, as I normally don’t consider myself to be very forthcoming in new groups. Maybe it was the small glass of wine though. Who knows?

Either way, I drove away from the apartment feeling happy to have friends in Georgia, feeling that my life is finally starting to open up the way I want it to. That maybe I don’t have to be afraid of meeting new people, and that often my reluctance keeps me from great things.

Well, for now, my new assignment is Dracula, just in time for Halloween. And I’ve started on my costume, which marks the first time in my life that I’ve ever put any thought into what I will be. That is, if I don’t have to work.

Little things, always little things:

• Yesterday I plugged my TV into the wall with a coax that a friend shipped me. I put it on “Antennae Scan” and it found 8 channels. Encouraged but slightly disappointed, I switched it to “Cable Scan” and it proceeded to find 89 channels out of 400. This means, of course, that I have basic cable and no access to the special channels like Showtime and HBO, but still! Cable! Mesmerized, I sat in front of the television until I absolutely had to leave for a friend’s house. Now I can veg out any time I want!
• At dinner we bring up the idea of watching scary movies once a week or so. I’m totally for this idea, except I know that my idea of scary/entertaining isn’t usually in line with other people’s ideas.  I mentioned that horror is one of my favorite genres, and it seemed everyone was surprised. Really? And nobody knew that Stephen King was (and is) an idol of mine? I suppose I’ve been good at keeping the darker fascinations I have away from people currently in my life. But I am excited for this idea. The movie that has scared me to death more than any other movie? The Ring. I’m almost afraid to rent it.
• The weekend was not all that good. Despite revisiting the Dragon*Con parade (which was fun–I took 350 pictures and then my camera died), I had to work all three days, effectively killing my “holiday weekend” buzz.
• At work, I’ve started closing the store again by myself. It’s just like riding a bike. I think I’ve probably messed up a few forms here and there, but (knock on wood), we were only over a penny each night. Things were okay.
• Speaking of work… Since this year I am so void of ideas for NaNoWriMo, I might have to start the Hallmark book that Katie and I have talked about for, literally, years. At the very least I will be forced to write 50,000 words of it, even if it is trash. It’s either that or write another 50,000 word piece of trash which I will never look at again, as the last 5 Nanos have been just that.
• I have to work on Sunday at 4 til close. This is right in the middle of my first book club meeting, and right before the Atlanta Tumblr meetup, which I’m not sure I want to go to but kind of want the option to attend. Sigh.
• I am determined to go somewhere out of the country in October. The date is October 23. I have $200 set aside already for a ticket out of here. Where I go yet is not set in stone. Probably either Nicaragua or Panama, from Costa Rica.  I need a vacation, even a mini four-day one.
• Oh, and I finished Jane Eyre. It was all right. An oddly structured story, but a good one.

Life is interesting, even if sometimes I don’t like the hand I get dealt. Guess I can’t really complain.

I’m bummed. Not only is it September first, but I have to work this weekend, on Saturday. I hadn’t had to work this shift before, except some girl quit and I got stuck with her hours. Soooo I’m going to miss most of these things:

• Dragon*Con
• The Decatur Book Festival
• Collective Soul (free concert at Centennial Olympic Park!)

While I’ll be making a little extra money, I can’t help but feel slightly bitter about all of this. True, I brought it on myself. I needed the job, asked for it, and have committed to it.

At this time last year I was simply having fun. I remember Labor Day weekend as wonderful, a whirlwind of new faces and things to take photographs of. This year… I have to work.

I need a break. I am seriously considering devoting my next few paychecks to a small vacation fund, then picking a weekend in October and flying somewhere. Any suggestions?